Party at the Noraebang

  

     Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. Today I'm going to tell you about the wonderful phenomenon of Noraebang. Noraebang (노래방 in Korean) can literally be translated to mean "song room". It is a room in which there is a karaoke machine and several chairs for people to sit in. Although the setup sounds simple, Noraebang are immensely popular in Korea, where many adults go with colleagues after work dinners to sing their hearts out.
     So why am I talking about this? The reason is that I went to a Korean restaurant/noraebang this weekend. It was a party my mom put together. It was great. Fabulous. We all herded into this room filled with a couch and a gigantic table, and then tried to figure out the instructions on the remote, which were not in English. After a few unsuccessful attempts, we were able to get the contraption to work, and also discovered that every time a song started, the lights would turn off and a disco ball on the ceiling would start shining colored lights everywhere.
      The best part of all, however, was the television screen displaying the lyrics. For every song that started, a video would also play behind the lyrics. They showed at random, and had absolutely nothing to do with the song that was playing. The best part was that every single one was incredibly dramatic, usually involving car accidents and unrequited love, although it was impossible to be sure because we could only hear the incredibly loud music.
     Possibly the best song/video pairing, unintentionally of course, was when a friend of my mom's decided to sing "Deck the Halls". As soon as the song started up, so did the video. It was about a homeless man. Really? A video showing the grit and grime of street living behind the jaunty tune of a Christmas song? Even better was when, just as the chorus started up, the homeless man on the screen bent down and started smoking the remnants of cigarette butts that had been strewn on the ground. Nice.

So merry Christmas y'all, and I wish that each and every one of you finds your very own cigarette butt-smoking homeless guy.


  

Finals Week

Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. As I said in my last post, finals are quickly approaching. They start next Tuesday.
    My entire high school is losing its mind. Finals are all anyone thinks about, 24/7. We all plan on making study groups, then back out on them because we are too busy studying. The teachers are handing out study guides, and the seniors try to no avail to keep the underclassmen from exploding with anxiety. So how can anyone survive unscathed? Well, personally my guess is that anyone expecting to come out of finals without a few claw marks and bandages will be sorely disappointed. After all, finals are usually about 10-15% of our grades. Good lord.
     Fortunately, my friends and I know the key to survival. There is one way to keep yourself alive, and one way only. And that way is ice cream. If you succeed, eat ice cream. If you fail, also eat ice cream. Either way you win, because while good grades look nice and pave the way to success and all that, ice cream tastes good. And that's really the most important thing.

 

Hee hee hee. 

Bohemian Rhapsody...Calculus Version

Hello world, this is Angry Tofu apologizing. I'm terribly sorry for my recent absence. I know I said about a week (how long has it been?) ago that I would write the next day. I lied.
    Please forgive me, and know that I won't disappoint you in the future (hopefully). Unfortunately this is Finals Season in high school-land, meaning that I've been spending a lot of time studying for the impending tests of doom. Anyway, to apologize I will share with you a super cool video. It's about calculus, but really so much more...

Even if you remember nothing from calculus, this is pretty awesome.

I'm Back!

     Hello World, this is Angry Tofu speaking and I want you all to know that I am back. I have very little to tell you about the month of November; that month was not good to me.
     Now that it is December I am looking forward to the prospect of extremely cold weather, snow, and lights decorating everything. I love winter. I am not a person who likes seasons based on the comfort that they provide weather-wise, instead I tend to like them because of the drama and inspiration they provide. I know, it's very adolescent of me. According to this rubric, summer is my least favorite season. I can't stand the sunshine! Where is the drama in that, people?
      It's a bit late (according to Angry Tofu time) so I am going to have to end this post now. Don't worry, I'll be writing a lot more tomorrow.
     If you find yourself lacking entertainment sources on the internet, I have a temporary solution for you! I recently came across this blog, which I found very amusing

     http://toxichairavenger.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-squishy-in-between.html

Enjoy! 

Obamas I have known

Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. First off, I have a very important message:

OBAMA :)

     And now for a list of amazing Obama puns to commemorate the occasion.

1. Are you ready to Barack and Roll? 

    (Thanks to Chicken Lizard man for that one)

2. Baroque Yo Mama
     (A nickname given by the young Obama to himself)


                         3.

                    4.

                 

              BARACKTOPUS

And this one's just funny...

And this is sweet :)

NaNoWriMo

     Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. November first marked the beginning of the best month ever. November is the best month out of them all because NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month takes place during it. From the first of November until midnight on the thirtieth, participants are challenged to write a 50,000 word novel in thirty days. When you finish writing your novel, you send a copy to the NaNoWriMo website, which then scrambles it (to avoid plagiarism) and produces your final word count. If it is 50,000 words or more, you have won!
     Of course, the winning is kind of a "pat yourself on the back because you're super awesome" kind of winning than a "congratulations, here's your prize money" kind. What you get is mostly your own satisfaction, especially because you would be surprised at how many people actually manage to complete this thing. It would be expensive to give prizes to them all.
     However, there are some prizes in the form of significant discounts on various merchandise on the NaNoWriMo website, such as writing programs and coffee mugs. Plus, on the website there is TONS of cool stuff, like forums, dares (where people "dare" you to do certain things with your storyline), pep talks from professional writers, plot ideas, and general writing tips.
    I highly encourage everyone to try this! It sounds awful, trying to chug out almost two thousand words a day, but if you are able to find someone to do it with you it is incredibly fun. I was able to finish last year, along with two good friends of mine. We had a "write-off" at my house where we stayed up all night just writing on our laptops while wearing snuggies and eating bbusheo-bbusheo (Korean snack).

Go to http://www.nanowrimo.org/ for more information!

However, this also means that during this month my blog posts will be quite few and also sporadic. I apologize! Please hang in there for me :)

The Fate of Oedipus Rex

     Hello all, this is Angry Tofu speaking. In my English class we just finished reading the play "Oedipus Rex" (yes, that class does seem to be a never-ending stream of works all mentioning Theseus, ruler of Athens. Has anyone else noticed that?). In case you're not familiar with the play, it was written by Sophocles in Ancient Greece in something-something B.C. The basic plot is that a king and a queen received an oracle that their son would be fated to kill the king and then marry his mother, the queen. When they had a son, the king and queen left him on a hillside to die. At the start of the play we meet the full-grown Oedipus, who has obviously survived, and is married to Queen Jocasta and together they rule the city of Thebes. As the play progresses we find out that Oedipus has indeed fulfilled the prophecy. Jocasta turns out to be his mother, and her first husband, now dead, was Oedipus' father.
     Weird, right? Well, despite the creepiness of the whole plot, that isn't the point. The point is that a person cannot outrun their fate, even if they think they already have. However, I think that Sophocles was wrong. People can outrun their fate! Here's how: don't marry people who are twice your age while also not knowing a single thing about their past. There. Done. Fate avoided.
     See, halfway through the play we realize that Jocasta doesn't even know a thing about Oedipus' life before he came to Thebes. If she had just asked she would have put together, or at least had a suspicion that the marriage was a bad idea. I think a mentor relationship between Jocasta and Oedipus would have been a better idea. Much less drama that way.

Look, here are some danger-zone celebrity couples:

1. Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart: 22 year difference

Prognosis: Possibly her dad

2.  Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas: 25 year difference

Prognosis: Probably her dad

3. Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn: 35 year difference

Prognosis: He is her dad

The Blind Man on the Road

     Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. Today my dad and I were driving down a busy road when suddenly my dad saw something that made him pull an illegal turn across two lanes and come back around to where we had just been. I asked him what was going on. He said, "It's a blind guy. He's in orange, and he's just walking down the road!" At first I thought he was saying that the blind man was driving, and I was ready to jump out of the car and run for my life. However, as we turned the corner I saw that the man was indeed walking down the road. And when I say walking down the road, I mean down the road. Not on the sidewalk, but over to the side of the rightmost lane, on a street where the speed limit is between 30 and 40 miles per hour.
     My dad parked the car and ran across the street to talk to the man. I could hear his southern accent through the open window, as he explained that this was the only way he knew to get to his destination. That's completely understandable, seeing as if you were blind you wouldn't be able to orient yourself from just anywhere, and would have to memorize very specific routes to get to places. I couldn't help but wonder why he didn't get a better route. Why didn't someone give him an option that wasn't a death trap? Crazy people!
     Anyway, as my dad stood there in the middle of the road trying to help the man out, another woman pulled up and parked her car in the turn lane. She got out and said she had phoned for help. By that point there were cars backed up all the way up the street. Within about three minutes there were two police cars that pulled up and parked in the middle of the road, and the man was surrounded by my dad, the woman, and two police officers. They finally got him over to the side of the street with a sidewalk, and tried to figure out what was going on. The man didn't seem to understand exactly how close to death he had just been. He was still trying to get them to let him go back to his original route.
     Dayum. 

Its vs. It's

Its  vs.  It's

The Final Battle  

     Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. Today, I bring a message to all English speakers: a message of peace. As all of you know, or maybe don't know, for many years the two words "its" and "it's" have been waging war against each other. They are always trying to replace each other in sentences, when what they don't seem to realize is that they have different meanings entirely. There is no need to quarrel! These two words can coexist, and here I will show you how. 

ITS:

     This word is the possessive form of the pronoun "it". It is used when something belongs to "it".

For example:

     Henry stole the raccoon's garbage.

If we want to replace "the raccoon" with "it", we say:

     Henry stole its* garbage. 

*Note the lack of an apostrophe

This is a confusing grammar point for most people. This is because most possessive nouns are formed by adding an apostrophe + s onto the end of a noun, like this:

     That book belongs to Martha.

     That is Martha's book. 

However, when you are making a possessive pronoun out of "it", then you just don't follow that rule. Memorize it.

IT'S:

Now for contractions! "It's" is a contraction (or combination) of the two words "it" and "is". Here is how to use it:

     The Chrysler Building is quite tall.

Now, replace "The Chrysler Building is" with

     It's quite tall. 

See? It's quite simple (tee hee, see what I did there?).

     So now you have absolutely no excuse for ever mixing up these two words. Actually, I can think of one reason that you would be allowed to, which is if you had to pen a peace treaty between two nations in five minutes before they aimed nuclear bombs at each other. That is the only reason.

Now have a good day.

If I were a rabbit

     Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. I was just listening to and watching the music video for "Rabbit Heart" by Florence + The Machine, and it got me thinking. What would I do if I were a rabbit for a day? Is there a way I could use those adorable ears and sharp little teeth to aid in my quest for world domination? I think the answer is yes. So here is a quick brainstorm of my agenda in my "Day of
Rabbit Transformation".

1. 3 AM: Wake up and eat some grass. See if I could digest it (they always say humans don't have the right digestive system for grass, so I'll eat some now that the opportunity has arisen).
2. 3:15 AM: Go back to sleep.
3. 3:30: Wake up again. Rabbits are too hyper for sleeping. 
4. 4:00 AM: Consort with my beaver friends in an attempt to gnaw a tree in half.
5. 6:00 AM (the tree gnawing took longer than we thought): Find a stressed out rabbit-mom who wants to lend me a few hundred of her 2,167 children.
6. 6:30-8:00 AM: Train rabbit children in martial arts.
7. 9:00 AM: Head to nearest bank.
8. 9:15 AM: Lead rabbit army in surprise ambush of bank, steal money.
9. 9:21 AM: Take off with rabbit army and cash.
10. 10:00 AM: Drop little rabbits off at home. Rabbit-mom pays me for babysitting.
11. 10:30 AM: Stop at park for a grass snack. Find that I prefer the taste of slightly dried wheat.
12. 11:00 AM: While reading newspaper I notice an article about Playboy. I become offended at the racism of the trademark bunny outfit.
13. 11:15 AM- 1:00 PM: Make my way to the Playboy Mansion by latching onto various cars with my teeth.
14. 1:30 PM: Arrive at playboy mansion.
15. 1:36 PM: Set mansion on fire.
16. 1:45 PM- 3:30 PM: Make my way home.
17. 4:00 PM: Go to sleep in the comfort of my newly-acquired rabbit-mansion.

The Artsy Chair (a slightly crude post)

     Hello all, this is Angry Tofu speaking. In my physics class, two of my friends sit nearby me. The first I will call "Awkward Gaming Kid" (AGK), and the second is the chair he was sitting on. This chair had been of little interest to me until AGK sat in it, and was immediately pitched forward into the table.

     "Ah!" he said, "It's the Artsy Chair!"

     The Artsy Chair has returned.
   
     The chair was given this name because of the break between the seat of the chair and the legs, which causes it to snap forward if too much weight is applied to the front of it. However, being tolerant people in my physics class, we refuse to call it "broken", and instead have named it "Artsy" for its bravery by refusing to conform with the other chairs.

     "AGK," I replied, "it's an inspiring chair. It's....it's....the Inspiributt!"

     What a brilliant idea, if I do say so myself. I think there should be a company with chairs that are so strange that they inspire those who sit on them to do great things, like coming up with the name "Inspiributt".


                                                  Inspiributt© 

                                The Rear End Revolution

   

Orchestra: Part One

     Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. I'm not entirely sure if I've mentioned this before, but in case I haven't or you don't know, I play violin. I would classify myself as "fairly serious" about it. I don't plan on becoming a violinist, but I do plan on playing it for as long as I can. As of now I play in one "after school" orchestra. 
     I enjoy this orchestra quite a bit. The music we play is challenging and I like our conductor. Last year, I was quite afraid of him. This I can attribute to his facial hair (I have limited experience with people with facial hair), and to the fact that from my vantage point of the back of the orchestra he appeared disproportionately tall. But this year, my fears have been conquered! This is not due to my own inner strength, but rather the fact that I moved to first stand and the conductor now seems to be a normal height.
     Within the confines of the orchestra, the string instruments and band instruments try to veil their inherent dislike of one another. The strings feel a certain superiority, sitting at the front of the stage. The band instruments position themselves so that they blow loudly into our ears. It's all very lovely.
     During the whole rehearsal, our conductor strives to make us realize that he is not a metronome. We need to have our own inner beat, our own rhythm. You think jazz is the only music with soul, with that beat thumping away? Wrong! Classical has it all! Still, I can't help thinking that the conductor, despite his protests, is being a bit difficult. After all, he does look like a metronome up there, tall and thin and waving his arms in the rhythm that we have to follow. If he doesn't want to be our metronome, I think it would be best for him to sit down, because at least then the band instruments wouldn't be able to see him.

Favorite Singers

     Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. Since y'all have stubbornly refused to reveal how you found my blog, I will continue posting in my merry way. Today's subject: my favorite singers. I have two. Both of them happen to be relatively unknown unless you are really into this type of music (although what the genre is I'm not sure...singer-songwriter?), but if you are familiar with either of them, then indeed we are kindred spirits.

1. Patty Griffin

     I am only starting with Ms. Griffin because I have been listening to her music for longer. Now that I think about it, she has been one of my top musicians for seven years, since my stepmom introduced me to her music in second grade.
      Right off the bat, you should know that her music is sad. Gloomy, heartbreaking, hope-smashing-into-a-million-pieces kind of sad. I can only listen to her songs on certain days, or else they will plunge me into a deep dark hole from which I cannot return. However, when the time is right there is nothing like Patty Griffin.

Starter song: Every Little Bit

What it's about:
     Patty is basically smacking her loser boyfriend in the face, telling him that the whole time they were together he didn't know a thing about her. Very revenge-y, and less sad than a lot of her songs. It's from her first album, "Living with Ghosts", which I think is one of the most amazing albums ever.

1. Rufus Wainwright

     Rufus is a lot more famous than Patty Griffin, and I wouldn't be surprised to have a quite of people familiar with his music. His most mainstream song is probably his cover of "Hallelujah", which is quite popular. However, "Hallelujah" could not be less representative of his music. Being a Canadian-American gay man and a recovering drug addict, his songs are very often sweet to the ear but just the slightest bit angry, if you listen to the lyrics. A lot of his songs are a commentary on the experiences of homosexual people in the United States and Canada.

Starter song: Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk

What it's about:
     It's about all the little addictions and vices in life, and how sweet they can be. I chose this song because...well, there is just no other song to start with. Of all the Rufus Wainwright songs, this one should come first. That's just the way it is.

   
So there you go, here are my favorite singers. I hope you enjoy them, and if you don't then go listen to dubstep or something. People seem to like that.

P.S. If you like Rufus, be sure to listen to his musical renditions of Shakespeare's sonnets--I have never heard anything more beautiful :)

To my International Readers

     Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. Today's post is less of a post than a question. Looking at my "stats", which let me know the demographics of people reading my blog, I have seen that I have many readers from countries other than the United States. Yes, it is kind of creepy that I know where my readers are from and how many times people from different countries have viewed my blog.
     Anyway, I know that with seven billion people in the world and a certain number of them with access to the internet (probably a rather small percentage, actually), the probability is that after some time someone will stumble across my blog by accident. However, this blog has only been up for two-ish months. Maybe more like one, I don't even remember anymore. It's interesting to me that I have so many "page views" from people who I don't know personally. So, here is my question to you, not just readers not living in the United States, but also anyone who reads my blog who I have not personally made the acquaintance of: How did you find my blog? What search led you to a blog called "Angry Tofu"? Please comment, I would be fascinated to know how you came across my little piece of the internet :)

Post-breakup ice cream

     Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. Unfortunately my computer is acting up, so I will be unable to post the fitful and angry post (in the true spirit of this blog) that I was planning on, because that post required a photo. Which the computer will not let  me upload. Never fear, however, because I'm sure if I smack the screen often enough that by tomorrow it will be back in working order.
     So today I will talk about the significance of post-breakup ice cream. See, ice cream is both good for the soul and deliciously yum-tastic, but its metaphorical meaning is just too amazing not to be explored! Ice cream is cold, so much so that the mere idea of biting into it can send shivers down your spine. That moment of shock when you bite into something cold represents those brief times of clarity, when you can grab ahold of the idea that maybe being single is a good idea, that it's a good time to do some soul-searching, that you were tired of your ex's obsession with Minecraft. Of course, just as the ice cream quickly dissolves on the tip of your tongue, all semblance of rational thought is usual replaced within seconds by a blubbering cloud of sadness.
     Ice cream is also a common date food, meaning that in all probability you ate ice cream with your ex at some point during your relationship. This means that you deliberately chose to eat a food despite the fact that it will cause you to delve into memories, the sweet everyday kind that hurt the most. Now even thinking about ice cream is making me sad. Dangit. Anyway, ice cream is clearly benefiting off of the sadistic pleasure that humans seem to take in emotionally torturing themselves.
     Therefore, ice cream is evil. And so are breakups.

Dumped

Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. I'm terribly sorry not to have posted for such a long time, I'm afraid my account was temporarily disabled due to misbehavior on my part (oops).
   Today I suffered some intense emotional turmoil, which caused an unnecessary amount of bawling and wailing, but I won't be hard on myself. Today I was dumped. Yes, I, the irrepressible Angry Tofu, was let loose into the cold and unfeeling world of Singledom. I have never mentioned it before, for the sake of privacy (but my soul has temporarily been sucked out of my being, taking with it any sense of reason), so I will inform you all now that I had a significant other. I had been in a relationship with this person for nine months and four days. And in my defense, there had been no signs of discontent on his part. He seemed perfectly happy, swimming along like a little salmon. Trust me, despite my young age I am quite familiar with breakup signs, my previous significant other managed to display ALL of them at one time.

1. Random displays of douche-iness
2. Randomly not calling you for, like, three days after he gets back from China *grr*
3. Threatening to knife you (yes, this happened)
4. Betting on you with his friends
5. Being a freaking jerk. Period. 

      If you notice any of these signs, ask yourself what the heck is going on. And why are you in this handbasket? Sorry, random reference to something and I'm not quite sure why I'm referencing it.
     The point is....well....what is the point of this? Oh, I know, I'm reaching out to the superficial support network of the internet to try and calm the cold, dark creature which has stirred in my stomach and wants to consume me with this new-found loss....
   Kay that was creepy. So, basically I just need a ton of ice cream in order to surmount this terror. And then I will be both very large and a stronger person.

The girl with the worst birthday

   Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. Today, September 11th, is my birthday. Yes, you read this correctly--I have the worst birthday of anyone in the United States. If you don't know why my birthday is the worst birthday ever, then I absolutely will not tell you because you are clearly an evil slug who lives under a box of cereal. Period.
   Oh wait, that's not true. You might be reading this from Russia (yes, I know about you Russian readers, thanks so much for visiting!), in which case it might not jump instantly to mind that today is the eleventh anniversary of the attack on the World Trade Center, in which about 2,000 people lost their lives. Just thinking about the sheer number of people killed in a set of planned incidents on one day, suddenly and without time to ever say goodbye to the ones they love, is horrifying. I doubt our country will ever forget the shock and sadness of that day.
   So, as I'm sure you can see, it feels a bit sickening to be celebrating on the anniversary of one of the worst days in our country's history. Although I did come first. But as much as I would like to lay claim to this day and ignore all of the sadness which inevitably follows it, I know that I could not be okay with that sort of flippancy.
   Here I am, fifteen years old, and despite all the bad things that come with my birthday, I am still happy to be here. And I hope that I will be blogging to (at :P) all of you for many more years to come. Cheers!

                       
                                             Completely unrelated Totoro

The Value of Terrible Literature, TV, and Art

   Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. I have a message for all of you today. A very important message that I think is often neglected. The message is: it's okay to watch crappy TV. It's okay to read stupid books. It's okay to laugh at tragically awful art.
   People act like it's some horrible sin if you have a pile of trashy mystery novels in your living room. Um, no. I'm the one having fun. So take that, losers.
   Of course classic novels and all great works of literature are awesome. There's a reason people like them. But it's unfair to hate on the lesser ones. Maybe a book does have great sentence structure and beautiful, flowing prose, but I also may not feel like clawing my way through five-hundred pages of all of that. Maybe, just maybe, I would like a form of escapism that involves werewolves. Just for once.

   And here, on a slightly different note, are some horrifying first sentences of romance novels:

• "Yes, she was a woman who had once been a man, but she still knew how to flutter her eyelashes as well as those other hussies."
• "Scarlet's hair was as red as my persistent canker sore
• "Robert was new at this prison thing, and he felt frightened and confused. But the moment he laid eyes on #472825994, he became a prisoner of love."
• "His flatulence reared up like a proud stallion."
• "Though flanked by two swarthy state troopers, Paula found her gaze drawn to the chubby saxophonist."

    That was rather random, but I felt it was too amazing to be skipped. For the rest of them visit
http://www.mamohanraj.com/Amusing/romance.html

   So what can be said for bad books also applies to bad TV. There is a reason soap operas are popular. People don't always want depth--sometimes they just want ridiculous, captivating storylines. The following are some of my favorite (terrible) TV shows and movies:

Witchboard: Without a doubt the worst movie of all time

Charmed: I love this show so much. I can't tell you that it's really good quality stuff though. In fact, it's pretty bad. I honestly don't care!

The Amityville Horror: I don't even know if this movie poster is from the exact movie I saw but it doesn't matter because they all suck. Seriously.

   Okay, and now onto something slightly different: bad art. Bad art was created by God on the sixth day of creation, right after Adam. It was created as a source of unending humor to all humans. Strangely, art seems to be a flexible term, so a strange phenomenon known as "modern art" can often be interpreted as bad art, while its creators are vehemently against it being described in those terms.

For more examples of awful artwork, go to:
http://www.museumofbadart.org/

The Museum of Bad Art! Enjoy :)

Procrastination Station

   Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. Today, I am horrendously, awfully, quite uncomfortably sick. The whole thing would be a lot better if my nose would stop running. Alas, that does not seem to be about to happen any time soon. Since I am sick, and indisposed, and quite frankly running on energy that I currently do not possess, here is a link to a pretty song. And here are some pretty pictures. And inspirational quotes. In fact, here are all the tools you need to blow at least a solid twenty minutes. Enjoy :)

"Wishes are false. Hope is true. Hope makes its own magic."

-Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor (an incredible book I'll do a post on soon)

Donovan: "Are these human eyes?"
Sherlock: "Put those back!"
Donovan: "They were in the microwave!"
Sherlock: "It's an experiment!"
   -Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock Holmes in the BBC television series "Sherlock"

"One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain."

   -Bob Marley

 

“Well, I must endure the presence of two or three caterpillars if I wish to become acquainted with the butterflies. It seems that they are very beautiful.”

-The Little Prince

 

Green is the prime color of the world, and that from which its loveliness arises.
Pedro Calderon de la Barca

 

 A link to the Metropolitan Museum of art

http://www.metmuseum.org/collections/galleries/musical-instruments/680

And for those among us who would truly like to waste time:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/16/worst-celebrity-hair-haircut-hairstyles_n_1677424.html#slide=1231579

 

 

Have a nice evening folks, I'll be seeing you all tomorrow!

Evil Nurses and the Impending Zombie Apocalypse

    Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. I'm sure many of you know this already, but in case you don't, I am a high school student. This means I have to deal with things like homework, grades, and large amounts of teenage angst all crammed into one building. It's a dangerous environment, I assure you.
     Unfortunately, today I was/am sick. No one seems to believe me. Fevers are not the only symptom of illness, people! Anyway, despite my discomfort I went to school. Around lunchtime I decided I was going to blow this popsicle stand for several reasons, the most pressing of them being that I was feeling truly miserable. Head pounding, overwhelming fatigue and random waves of nauseousness kind of miserable. I payed a visit to the nurse. I told her I was not feeling well.
    "What's wrong?" she asked.
     "A headache, mostly," I said. "I've had it since yesterday. And I'm nauseous too. If it makes a difference my stepmom's been pretty sick recently."
      "Ah," she replied, with that sort of understanding look on her face that means you are about to go home. "It must be allergies."
     Then she moved on to her next patient.
      What? Double-take taken. She didn't even take my temperature. I could have some crazy zombie disease for all she knows! In fact, if I have a strange mutant virus that causes me to die and reanimate as a deranged, brain-craving weirdo that infects the entire human population, that is entirely her fault. She must hate humanity! Sociopath! She has no right to be working in a job with innocent, impressionable youth! We must fire her instantly before she attempts to derail the entire American way of life. At least that is what I would say to the principal...if I weren't dying of a zombie disease right now...

Maurice Sendak

“Once a little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on it. I loved it. I answer all my children’s letters — sometimes very hastily — but this one I lingered over. I sent him a card and I drew a picture of a Wild Thing on it. I wrote, “Dear Jim: I loved your card.” Then I got a letter back from his mother and she said, “Jim loved your card so much he ate it.” That to me was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received. He didn’t care that it was an original Maurice Sendak drawing or anything. He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.”

—	Maurice Sendak

Word of the day: Plurble

   Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking with my first (and probably last) word of the day! The wonderful, magical, fantastical word is illustrated in the above illustration. Well, I think it's an illustration. It was supposed to be art but something went terribly, terribly wrong. Wow, that is really ugly.

    Anyway, today I am going to define my most successful made-up word: plurble. Plurble can be used in almost any circumstance, which is why it is the crowning glory of personal words that I created that no one else can understand. It has several usages, which I will now demonstrate so that you too may integrate plurble into your personal dictionary. 

1. An exclamation:

"I just invented the first time machine! The only year it can take you to is 1982!"

"Whoa....plurble!"

     2. A profanity:

"Oops I just set your house on fire...sorry!"

"Plurble you, moron!"

     3. The answer to a rhetorical question:

"So which did come first, the chicken or the egg?"

"Oh, I totally got this one. Plurble!"

     4. A replacement for a noun or verb anytime you want to annoy someone:

"Jimmy, you have to tell me where the secret portal is before the giant bunnies of doom come through it and destroy mankind!"

"It's...it's in....the....PLURBLE! Hahaha suckers!"

    I hope you appreciate the full range of awesomeness that this word can add to your vocabulary. Have a great day folks, comment and subscribe, and always remember: plurble. 

 

The Duck Face

     Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. Today it is my solemn duty to inform you of the rules that should be abided by when one is attempting to the "Duck Face". In case you don't know what Duck Face is, this is it:

        It took me a long time to find a picture that wasn't straight-up terrifying. Not to say that this one is doing this woman any justice. Basically, this particular face has become extremely popular in photos. I have no idea why. It makes most people look like ducks, not the full-lipped, high-cheekboned beauties that they believe it will make them into. It just doesn't, trust me.
      Anyway, if for some reason the call of the duck face is completely unavoidable, here is the Angry Tofu list of tips and tricks you should keep in mind in order not to look exactly like this:

1. Avoid pushing out your lips too much. It ends up looking like those women who have gotten lip-plumping injections for the millionth time and their faces are all....blech. Instead, try pulling in the corners of your lips ever so slightly. This gives the illusion of a smaller, fuller mouth without being obnoxious about it.
2. Do not, I repeat do not squint your eyes. The best thing to do is the exact opposite--open your eyes wide in an adorable, doll-faced look. If you squint your eyes, the wrinkles created will combine with the wrinkles from pursing your lips to create one super wrinkle bomb. Don't let this happen to you. 
3. Tilt your head down slightly. This will emphasize your chin and jawline without making either protrude.
4. Look up at the camera. This sort of goes hand-in-hand with tilting your chin down. Just make sure that the camera lens is above your eye level. Looking up at the camera will emphasize the adorableness that you are trying to achieve.

      So, this is all I can do to prevent photos from 2012 from becoming like the ones from 1986...you know, the ones that people hide because in them they are wearing socks with sandals. Don't become one of them. Use the duck face wisely, grasshoppers. 

Rainy Day

 


        Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. It's raining today. A lot of people seem to be anti-rainy day. I could not agree with that less. All of the best ideas come on rainy days. Seriously. Or at least mine do. Here's a list of the brilliant things I have thought of today:

1. Figure out how to make a gif (those cyclical moving picture things)
2. What would happen if you put Mentos and Alka Seltzer in water? 
3. Go to Alaska
4. Go to a showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show and throw water balloons instead of rice
5. Write the next great American novel

   See? Brilliant ideas, all of them. Okay, honestly these are not my best. Today is a day for sitting with the ever-purring Charlie and watching Korean dramas. At the moment the show on my television is full of a bunch of awkward balding men. Wait! Now it's a close-up of a hand! Wow, it's only episode one and the material is just....fantastic.
   Anyway, comment below to share what you like to do on rainy days :)

P.S. Please subscribe!

Thanks to Kateey on Deviantart for the photo :)

Deodorant in the Ukraine

    Hello world, this is Angry Tofu with my second post of the day. Some might think that posting twice is in one day is a bit excessive, and I agree. Sort of. Well, I would agree except that I just found something so amazing that it really cannot wait. This something is UKRAINIAN DEODORANT.                  That's right, if you have read my "Top Ten Things to do When You Don't Have a Phone", you know that one of them was to research Ukrainian deodorant. Apparently "deodorant is not perceived as an essential product type in Ukraine". I am going to avoid saying anything that is politically incorrect, but I must admit I felt a shiver of horror at reading those words. A world without deodorant is...a world with neither truth nor beauty.
     However, there is so much more! The article I found has an entire page of information just on the deodorant market in the Ukraine. Okay, that sounds kind of boring but when you think about how ridiculous the subject matter is...it's really quite amusing :)

   Here's a link to the article:

http://www.euromonitor.com/deodorants-in-ukraine/report

Enjoy! By the way, if you enjoy reading my blog, please subscribe! The button for subscription is at the bottom of the page, next to the "Home" button. And even if you don't like my blog subscribe anyway, because then you always have something to rant about :)

Charlie the fabulous kitty

      Hello world, this is Angry Tofu speaking. A few days ago there was an addition to my household that caused a complete upheaval of the previously existing social order. This addition is a fourteen-year-old cat named Charlie. She (yes, Charlie is a she) was left in unfortunate circumstances after her owner died suddenly. Charlie used to be named Harley. This comes as less of a surprise when you know that her previous owner was a drunken raving lunatic.
    Anyway, seeing as four other cats are already living in my house (no, we are not cat hoarders), Charlie's arrival has caused a lot of hostile barfing. Which I don't appreciate. However, Charlie's cuteness definitely makes up for the backlash since her appearance. She enjoys to hide under my bed for most of the day, making sudden and unannounced visits when she wants to be petted. She also purrs like a freight train.

   And here I have included some photos :)

    

                           

Welcome Charlie!